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Nissan Qashqai vs. Renault Kadjar...

Nissan Qashqai vs. Renault Kadjar...
Neil Briscoe
Neil Briscoe
@neilmbriscoe

Published on February 23, 2016

Some 15 years from the turning of the last century, a young warrior did strike forth to make his fortune and maybe his fame, but many and treacherous were the turns and fates that awaited him on his path. From the House of Renault did he come and Kadjar was his name. A tall, broad, handsome lad, with narrow, piercing eyes and a vast diamond-shaped shield held in front. No similar warrior had ever held that shield before them, so breaking new ground young Kadjar certainly was.

But, said the doubters and the throwers of mud, is not Kadjar merely a youngling, already held at bay by his more worldly cousin, Lord Qashqai of the Brethren of Nissan? King of the Sunder Lands and the vast furnaces that there do churn out those that cross over, Qashqai was truly lord of the manor to which Kadjar fancied the keys. Related by blood they were, but bloody would be their battle.

Fain, closely matched on size they were. Kadjar a little longer at the back, a little broader in the shoulders but both used armour of similar size and both were too closely physically matched to garner any great advantage. Kadjar had one special trick though, a travelling trunk, which was, at 472 litres, much bigger than the one carried by Qashqai. Many were the chattels and things sold by the sellers of goods that Kadjar could carry and Qashqai could not.

Many too were those that said Kadjar seemed bigger than Qashqai, heftier maybe. With those big wings flaring to either side of his body, an imposing man he looked, and maybe more impressive than Qashqai in that respect.

But there were those who said disappointment lurked within. That the mystical runes called 'displays' and 'dashboard' would prove Kadjar's undoing. Cheap were the plastics he was said to have used, and confusing were the layouts of those runes. Some even said that the mysterious God of Bluetooth liked not to work with Kadjar, and that trying to make the two meet would result in confusion and the shouting of oaths. Some say you can still hear those who fought alongside Kadjar, their voices in the night seeming to say "why won't you connect my phone?" and "just play the damned music already!" Strange sayings from a different land, so it was said.

For crossing the territory to battle. Kadjar used his greatest engine of war. Some 1.6 litres it did displace, with power of 130 horses and enough turning power to defeat 320 Torques. Yet so frugal was it that Kadjar said he could travel 100 kilometres on just 4.5 litres of drink (although those who travelled with him said it was more like 5.3 litres). Even so, breathing out just 113g/km of emissions meant that Kadjar had to pay just €200 to the keepers of the gates of Raven-New every year, and got a shiny paper disc in return.

All of these things did Lord Qashqai scoff at. What do ye differently he asked of Kadjar. What can ye do to unseat me? Kadjar gave the shrug of the people from his land, and said simply" "With my mighty sword of price, I can undercut thee!" And so it was that Kadjar could be bought for as many as 300 fewer gold sovereigns than Qashqai, depending on the model.

Many thought that this would be the hammer blow to destroy Lord Qashqai's kingdom. But Qashqai rallied and sent forth the hounds of depreciation to worry and snap at Kadjar's ankles. Many and deep were the bites, but Kadjar managed to fend off some of them by pointing out that his value could be held in guarantee, at a minimum future value, by the mystical ladies of P'rsnl Contractpur Chase.

So, blow after blow, these two mighty titans did fight with none asking quarter nor none giving. Bets they were taken and sooths they were said, but no-one could predict the outcome. Would the peasants keep their fealty to Lord Qashqai, the one they knew and served with for so long, or wouldst they switch their affections to the handsome Kadjar and his Gallic charms?

Later, when the legends came to be written down, some would say that Qashqai was there first, and why would anyone change? And while Kadjar brought size and imposing strength back to the house of Renault, where were his innovations? What were the things that he did different?

But, surely, many of the peasantry were tempted, tempted by the need for less gold and the siren call of a new master. Lord Qashqai reigned undefeated, but ever more he knew that the sword of Kadjar hovered close to his throat.